Valentine #11

A crowd of people with togas waiting be let into party, and I’m melting in knit sweater. 

Just left my Girlfriend’s room where she and friends are preoccupied making personal wish lists of men they would fuck. It’s OK. Not mad. I play game with her where I try to read list she’s hidden in closet. Friends grab me, pull my hair, bite my sweater.

I say, “Okay, okay,” and leave.

Now present time: toga party,  on verge of leaving, spilled beer on floor. Two kids making out on bed while friends chaperone/watch. No more places to sit. People sit on bathroom sinks.

I only go to toga party to see Girl. Beautiful pale skin, deep blonde hair, don’t remember eye color (but enticing — put eyeballs in my mouth and suck, maybe). Girl wears toga cut from bed sheet, shorts under.

Always attracted to her. Once, when Girlfriend was away, Girl and I sat alone in apartment and I rubbed her thighs. I told her I was lonely. Girl sighed, looked me in eye, said, “I can’t give you what you want.”

Now guy has her cornered at party, spitting all over her, but Girl is good sport. Or likes attention. She nods in agreement at something guy says. 

I leave party.

Girl calls later, upset. Kissed guy who cornered her, very wet kiss, not good kiss, thick beard that burns white cheeks. Upset.

“Can I come over, please?” 

Just had fight with Girlfriend, stormed out of room like she won’t come back ever. It’s our dance. She comes back always. Until she hears about toga party.

I say, “Yes, you can come” to Girl. 

She comes up, lies in bed with me, very close, facing each other. Very serious situation. You see this and you shake your head. Not first time I cheat. Veteran. Natural. Drunk. 

At some point, the kiss. A few. In heaven. Not very good kiss, but don’t care. Lips attached to her face.

She pushes me away. 

“You have a girlfriend,” she says.

I think of Girlfriend, angry in her room. Last text she sent: “I’m done with you.” At moment, I think I can handle. 

“It’s okay,” I say to Girl. “Just one time. Doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

She says, “No.” 

I beg.

“It doesn’t have to be this big thing. You’re here. I’m here.”

Girl kisses me. Eyes closed. This kiss better. Maybe because last kiss.

“Another time,” she says.

But immediately after, we agree to never talk about it again. 

I remember light coming into dark room as she leaves, and I hope in darkness Girlfriend will appear.

I hope Girlfriend sitting in bed, under covers, already forgiven me. I promise to try harder tomorrow.

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